do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
