Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
