apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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