i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
