yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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