I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
