You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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