Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
