Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
