Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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