I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
