Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
