I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
