so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
