this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
