I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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