wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
