I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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