smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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