At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
