I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
