Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
