why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
