Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
