well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
