What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
