What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
