And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
