Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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