Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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