I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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