...so i touched it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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