I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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