it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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