After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
