The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
