Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
