this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
