ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
