My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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