He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
