i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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