Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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