I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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