My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
