i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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