I think I won the penis lottery.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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