it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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