I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
