so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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