Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the day after is always just damage control
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
did i walk over a car last night?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
