My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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