just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
