I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
