So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
