fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
