I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
