I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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