I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
