u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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