Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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