The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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