i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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