i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
