I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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