his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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