we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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