the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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