never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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