let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
