My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
