Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
