Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
