also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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