She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
